Living in the moment ? 

sorry for my poor written English, I only want to share my thoughts and feelings over here. Thanks for the understanding.

Recently I just ended my 3 years relationship with someone which I think that he might be the one . But due to circumstances , we are not able to open our relationship in office. To him he also feel that it is also better to not open our relationship to his family also. He give a reason that his sister will inform our boss about our relationship and it is better to keep it a secret. I know a lot of people will tell me to leave him , because he is not going to open our relationship because he his just buying time to enjoy. I agree that we did have a lot of fun together, he adored me very much and take good care of me and I am very blessed and happy that he I have found him. Every moment with him is awesome. Only one issue, to keep our relationship a secret. It had bug me some moment of my life when, I feel that if he really love me, he will want to open our relationship.  I just keep quiet because the reason that he give me that his sister is our collegue is the reason our relationship have to be kept a secret to his family. 

Things change in year (2015) , his sis left the company. The reason he gave is no valid now. Since his sister left, we can open our relationship right ? His answer is still no. This time round , his reason is ” I am not sure whether we will be marry, I don’t know how our relationship will goes, only when I want to marry then I think it’s time to bring you home ” the trust have fallen by half now. It’s hurting for a moment to be with someone for 3 years and going weekly to his house and the parents don’t even know who am I. I felt so stupid . I am a woman when come to love I become a stupid woman.

Actually 90% of the time in our 3 years relationship , I feel happy and I glad that he is with me. Only once in a blue moon when something trigger I will thought about our secret relationship and I cannot take it. 

This bring me to my topic (sorry for the long winded story) . living in the present ? Looking forward to a future ? I struggle between this 2 choices. I am someone who believe in living in the moment. That the reason why I hold on this relationship for 3 years , because I am happy in it. The fear of leaving this relationship will make me sad. But logical thinking , this is a no future relationship, following my heart , I know that we can just be happy and fun for few more years. BUT , I am 33 years old , how many more years I can happy go lucky to be with this guy who can t even introduce me to his family. Does living in the moment i need to give up on the future ? I am confused . My fear of the unknow future with this guy question our relationship. 

Love is not expecting anything in return (the unconditional love) . If I fully love this person I have no regret. Sometime , we woman wanted to love unconditionally but the fear of am I giving my love to the correct man is what stop us from loving unconditionally. I tried , but I failed. That why I am leaving this relationship. Giving up the temporary happiness now , to look for my true happiness. I feel sad and disappointed, and I wasted my time on this guy, living in a moment with no future plan about us.  Every relationship makes us grow , we learn something from each failed relationship. Our environment , make us woman aware of our biological clock. The cycle of getting married and have children to complete our cycle. This that what life is all about for us woman ? I still trying to figure out this. But I know my life is much more useful in this world then to worry about whether I will be married and have children. For me , I believe in cultivating inner happiness.  When the within world  is happiness , the without world will followed. 

I hope woman like me , who is in the secret relationship or third party. Pls awake and walk out of any relationship that does not give a better future ( abuse( my past relationship is a emotional abuse case) I will talk about it next time), no future planning, insincere, etc) ) Your heart will trigger something that something is wrong. Pls listen to this call.

I am moving forward, I believed I will find my awesome beloved in this world who is also looking for me in other part of the world. 

Thank you Universe for giving me the Courage and Love to move on in my life.


Love & Light




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s