Half a year back, I was rushing my relationship to marriage because I feel that “It’s Time”. I feel that I am going 33 , if I don’t get married then when?! . I am so afraid that if I married late I might not be able to have kids . That is my main concern during that time . I want to have kids. I am forcing my man to move to the next level of our relationship where by obviously he want to focus on his career right now. I am so sad that I decide to leave him or have a cooling period. During that one month , I was miserable. That is also the time when I started this journal and learn a lot of things during that period.
We have a break of around a month. I always consider myself as a lucky and bless person . I am surround with wise Friends. They are my teacher , advisor , listening ears. I happened to meet up with a client whom we have not met few years. Last heard is , he got a flat and got married. When I met him I ask him about his marriage life . Apprently , he and his Wife relationship is worst. After one year into marriage , they sleep in separate bedroom and not talking to each other.
How can a marriage turn into stranger ??
I told him I was having a cooling period to think about my relationship because I want to get married and have kids because IT’S TIME and my man don’t want to go into marriage. This let me think that my man don’t love me because he do not want to commit to me. My that Friend then told me that he also got married because IT’S TIME. After he got his master degree and got promoted to manager , he feel that Its time for him to get married because he got his certificate and his Promotion and what he lack of now is a house and a family. So he apply a flat with his current Wife and when the house come they have to get married . Because this is a Singapore law , when a couple apply for flat and got their key, within 6 months they need to get married. Therefore they got married because they have the flat and the Wife also feel that she is no longer young and it’s time to get married.
Both feel that’s it’s time and got into a marriage not because of LOVE for each other and want to spend the rest of their life with each other . But because of its time. This is sad. Then he ask me , is having kids really important to me . I was saying ‘YES’ then he say something .
He said : if you married a man who you don’t really love but he is willingly to commit into marriage with you and have kids with you .Will you be happy ?
I keep quiet
He said again :Or you would want to wait for the man who love you and you also love him And go into marriage because of love. If kids really that important to you , you should just marry any man who want to commit and have kids with you !
This really wake me up. He is correct !!! Actually if I want to get married because of kids I would have got married years back . It’s not because I am lack of suitors. Most of the man who have good feeling to me all happily married off . I choose LOVE . Because I want to find the Love of my Life. That is when I realised having a kids is just a social and biological clock pressure I give myself.
I am so glad that I met this person . Now I don’t see having kids as important in my life . I believe that if my life is meant to have kids , I will have my kids with me . It’s all depend on fate 缘 . I am enjoying every moment with my love right now . I am happy that I choose Love and not what a lot of people choose “It’s Time”
Thank you Universe for guiding me
Love & Light