Grass always greener on the other side (Marriage)


Recently I have heard a lot of stories of married woman not happy in their relationship. People are contradicting . The grass are always greener on the other side. The moon is always brighter from the other side. We crave and imagine things that we can’t have or don’t have. Imagine that it is always better from the other side. 

Is it really true that thing we don’t have its always better ?

Well, grass are not ALWAYS greener on the other side the moment we are there. If it’s not green then we have to take a lot of time and effort to make it green again. But some are lucky , the grass are green !! These are the blessed one. 

How many of the woman got into a marriage because they feel that they will be better when they got married ??

From one of my Girlfriend who wanted to get married and have kids so badly for so many years . Finally got married and have a Son. What she told me does surprise me . Now she feel that she is happier when she is single?!?! When she is single, She only need to worry about her own finances , only spending on her own . Now she need to give money to her Husband’s family and her Husband. She need to handle not just her issue , her Husband’s issue and her Husband’s family issue. It’s triple the responsibility, stress, unforeseen things when in a marriage life. Life is not as peaceful , because more people in our  life.

For me , I certainly cannot handle all these stress right now. My family’s issue,  I already handle until I reached my limit. If I am married and all these these come at the same time, for the now me (year 2016 age 33) I cannot handle, I will totally break down and go crazy. From what I see my Friend is going through, I know I am not mature and whole enough to go into a marriage life yet. 

I believe going into marriage because I am whole and complete as individual , I just need another person to share my happiness, joy and experience things together. A lot of people got into a marriage thinking , this man or woman will complete my life, he or she will make me a happier person.

This is a very wrong thinking !!!!!! 

I also fall into that category for so many years. Thinking I will be better off when I got my Knight In Shinning Armour and he will protect me. This is the effect of watching too many princess cartoon . 

Getting into a marriage thinking the other person will complete you . It is a total bullshit !!! Pls don’t let yourself from one hell slipped into another deeper hell. Another total bullshit reason to get into a marriage because IT’s TIME (I have a journal on this topic) to settle down .

Grass will not be always greener when you are at the other side. If you are not whole within yourself . When you at the other side of the grass , it will be the same or even worst. Only we , ourself can give happiness and security . When we are happy and secure within ourselves . The other person is a bonus in our life to make us happy- IER. 

Pls don’t put your happiness on someone . Be happy yourself. Because only you will never leave yourself . All things change . Only change is permanent . When you are happy within yourself , you can overcome all the challenges that life give you. 

I always remember this sentence from a movie 

安全感是自己给自己的 (translate: only you yourself can give you security , no others)

This applied to happiness too. 

I am still learning and growing . Let us learn and grow together !!!!!

Thank you universe for enlightenment !!! 

Love & light 

Alicecbn

When she’s in her well and he’s in his cave 

  


Ok !!! Officially I am going into my well. 

For those for did not read ” Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus ” by Dr John Gray

Me going into my well means I am very emotional right now  and I am going into an emotional cycle. 

You all must be asking why?!!!? Few days ago I was saying “Woman , pls go enjoy yourself when your man go into the cave” that time I am sure i am still in a good mood. 

How come now I am going into my well or hitting my emotional rock bottom?

My mom was admitted into the hospital yesterday, but she discharge today. Anyway I am still sad , I don’t feel happy. This week have been quite stressful for me .But I already trying very hard to control myself . Worst still, my stupid man went into the cave !!!! I feel so lonely. What I need most now is for him to be by my side now and just give me a kiss or a hug. That’s enough , no need to give me so many reasonable , logical and realistic talks to counter my FEELINGS. But his reaction is still cold . Cold as in , logical answering and question of my Mom condition , telling me there is nothing serious , don’t worry , it’s a small issue .

Hello , I need you now !!!! That’s what I am thinking .Anyway , I know he can’t give me what I need now . He is in his cave now . 95% is all focus on his work and money making . He only can give me 5% of his attention right now . Which seriously , I told him I hate it when he can only give me 5% right now, when I need him most. He also realised that he been cold to me and he apologised. 

So I went back to read the book again and I found a paragraph talking about when the well and the cave clashes with each other  . What we can do , so that not to make the relationship worst. 

This book was saying leave the man alone and we, woman go find other people to talk .eg, our girlfriends , siblings, best friends , good friends  etc .

Ho Ho Ho ……. Seriously !!!! This is the hardest advice to follow. I need my man when I am utterly sad , and he can’t even put down his stupid money making and work issue to meet me awhile for a hug or some comfort. He can’t even come out of his cave !!!!! Is this “Love” ? I frequently ask myself these few days. Am I less important than his work ??? I am so so pissed, tired , sad when I thought of all these!!!!!! 

Anyway , I still leave him alone in his cave. I wanted to pull him out ,scold him , bite him. I know that he can’t give me love right now. Both of us can’t give each other anything right now . If I force him to meet me , I think we will end up feeling even worst. So I arrange shopping with my bestie tomorrow. Hoping to feel better . 

Being empty now as a woman . I need feminine energy to replenish my feminine energy. My man don’t have the means to give me anymore love right now . I need to look for my girlfriends for all the love that I need. Actually it’s good that woman have different kind of group to support her emotionally. When her man is unavailable for her feeling , she can look for her friends for support . Especially woman , we need feminine energy , so it is good that we have a few good girlfriends with us . 

Forget about the stupid man and go have a great time !!!!!! 

I am telling myself that when he is out of the cave , I am going to make him go through a lesson which I design on understanding the man and woman way of thinking , giving and recieving . We are so so different . Most of the time we miscommunicate . 

Topics I will be covering with him 

1) How different gender give/receive love 

2) Different gender love language 

3) How different gender care for each other 

4) How different gender feel love 

5) How to give support to each other during hard times 

I shall end my journal here. Have an awesome weekend !!!!

Thank You Universe for giving me a tough life , I know you love me . But pls pls give me my sweet moments . 

Love & Light

Alicecbn

Man Cave 

    
My Man have officially go into the cave!!!!!! 

I am a very strong believer of the book “Men are from Mars , Women are from Venus” by John Gray. 

For the passed few days my man suddenly don’t message me as frequent, we usually will message each other Everyday. Suddenly, he seem so cold and distant after our short gateaway trip. I can feel the cold emotion that he is emitting. It’s emotionless. This make me subconsciously very insecure , confused and scare. I been crying for at least two days and I do not know why I am so sad and afraid .I reasonate with myself that I going through a not so good period because I am sleeping in the living room because my bedroom is too messy ( my mom is a hogger) , the sofa was dirty that I got more than 10 bug bites every night and worst still now I do not even have a proper toilet to have a proper bath. 

When I am feeling not so good and my man goes into the cave to make things worst. For a while , I was thinking of leaving him , reasonate with him , nag at him . All the negative thoughts and emotions surface. I am in a worst mindset to make any stupid action toward him. I also thought about giving him more love and concern . All these ideals came subconsciously. This is how a woman will react unconsciously, when her man go into the cave. Actually we woman just reacting to the man emotion at subconscious level. We do not know what the hell we are doing or thinking . That moment , we only want to pull the man out of this cave and make him love us again. This is a very wrong move.

When man goes into the cave , woman should just go enjoy herself and have fun with her family and Friends . Ignore the man who goes into the cave. I know what you are thinking , “I need to be there for him”. Man who goes into cave are STRESS , going into cave is a solution to make them have some alone time and think about a solution. Man will solve their own issue themselves, that when they suddenly become so distant.

I understand how overwhelming the feeling is because I been through alot in my past relationships before I read this book. Last time , I will chased my man , feeling sad why he treated me this way. They don’t have the answer why they are like that because some of the man don’t really know they need to be alone and tell his woman to go do her own things and have fun. Some Man don’t even know they need their alone time. That’s where the relationship become sour and lack of love and passion over years. This is also the rubber band theory that is written in this book about man’s intimacy cycle. This book really makes me understand man more . When a man distance himself from us it’s not because he found new love , he don’t love us anymore. There is nothing to do wth his woman in his life. So ….. Just Relax and chilled…. Whaahahahaha… Even though I read the book , I do still react the normal ways. It’s took me a few days to clear my mind and realised my man is going to his cave. Now I know that my man is in his cave, I am happy to just leave him alone. He will come back to his loving self again when he is back . Give your man a chance to miss you when he is in the cave. Go enjoy yourself !!!!! 

I do highly recommend this book to all man and woman who want a more passionate and loving relationship. To understand how man and woman function differently .

I will write more in future regarding my experience with how man function that are linked to this book . There are too many things I want to share with you all that one article is not enough.

Below is a link that the author explain the reason why man suddenly distant himself. 

http://askmarsvenus.com/Article.php?id=365
Hope woman who read my this journal will feel much better .

Thank you universe for the guidance.

Love & Light 

Alicecbn