Emotional Abuse Relationship 

A lot of people heard about physical abuse relationship , it’s simple to detect a physical abuse relationship but not an emotional abuse relationship .

 Do people realised that they are in an emotional relationship ?? 

Most of the people do not realised they are in one , unless they are out 

***** IMPORTANT ******

If you not sure you are in one and your heart say that you are in one  when you see my title … 

Pls read my story of my emotional abuse relationship 

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I was in a emotional abuse relationship for 4 years when I was with my previous man. Being with him is like a roller coaster . Sometime I am happy , sometime I am sad . There is never of a peaceful moment in my life when I was with him.

A short description of him

He is a very short and bad tempered person . Flirt . Parent divorced . Witness parent fighting since young . Cute . Playful 

A lot of us people who came from a normal family will tend to pity him for his not so good childhood . Most of us will tolerate any nonsense of their bad tempered and forgive them numerous times for being unreasonable .

When I was with him, even a small event like I am late for picking him up, will trigger him to shout or angry at me. For numerous times , I have to endure with all these anger throwing at me .

Some Events that he throw his anger at me :

1) Playing with him , and hurt him with words or alittle too rough when playing hurt him physically.

2) being late 

3) lost my way when I am the driver . Careless driving 

4) argue with him

5) being cocky with him

6) when he is hungry 

7) when I did not do the things he told me to do 

8) when I am angry or unhappy with him ( basically I cannot show my emotional side)

Some of his reactions:

1) Shout at me on TOP of his voice using vugar language 

2) throw things at me , but he is not aiming at me but near 

3) criticise and say nasty things like ” U are really a lousy person , why are you so lazy !!!! ”

4) chase me out of his house 

5) throw all my clothes out of the window 

6) break off the relationship 

I feel like I am on a land mine!!!!!  Anytime I will step into a bomb. My life with him is living in fear.

Every week I will trigger the bomb once or twice or more . I really do not know why he is angry with me all the time !!!!! 

As time goes by , I always question myself :

” Am I such a lousy person ? ”

” Why is he always angry with me ??? What I have done wrong ??? ”

” I am not good enough for him ? ”

Soon my thoughts became :

“Yeah , I am a lousy person , I am worst , I am lazy ” 

Everytime I am being conditioned with these inconsiderate words that came out of his mouth. 

I fall deeper into a Low self esteem , demoralized , self doubt about my ability and myself, no confidence in all things pit hole. 

The worst thing is …. I did not realised that I became like that . I did not know that I am losing myself Everyday when I am with him. Bit by bit I fall deeper into the hole unknowingly. 

None of my friends realised that I am emotionally hurt as I am a person who is very good at hiding my emotions. 

He did not accept me as who I am . I can’t express my emotional with him . For 4 years in my relationship with him . I can count the number of times I show my anger with him is like less than 10 times .

Because I know that when ever I show my unhappiness toward him , he will be more angry with me . And I have tolerate his anger again . Even I am unhappy with things that he have done , I will not show or tell him, I will keep to myself .

Frankly speaking if things have not took an 180 degree turn , I think that I will be married to him . I really can’t think of my life with this man now . It’s it really a torture to myself and my soul . 

I , Thank Universe for plotting events that , make my heart die off . I also Thank my mom for telling me this since young :

” leave the man if he hits you , he is a lousy man “

Because all these 4 years he never really hurt me physically , that why I stick to him for so long . The first time he physically choke me in the wall , the moment I know my love for him is dead. Instantly !!!!  Also because he fall in love with another woman . Heard that they are getting married soon . I will bless Them and hope they have a blissful marriage . 

No ones know that they are in am emotional abused relationship . If your above situation is like mine . I advised u to leave the relationship NOW!!!! I know it takes a lot courage , he will not change for the better ,believe me ,  only worst . 

Emotional abused normally will lead to Physical abused 

If you are in one or your friends or anyone who you know they are in one . I do hope they can PM me and I hope I can help them . I am still new to WordPress .. Is there a PM function ….?  I will leave my email in the about section . 

I shall end my journal here . One of my quote .


Thank you Universe , Love you 

Love & Light

Alicecbn

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True Beauty 

Since young I have always believe being a true beauty require a combination of inner and outer beautiful. For years , I have been playing and trying different images to find my outer beauty , but I always doesn’t seem to find it . BECAUSE …….. I have been mimicking other people beauty , not my own unique outer beauty. I spend money on whitening injection , whitening pill , skin radiant pill… None of these achieve the effect that I want . A very fair and beautiful skin.

As I grow older , I realised that some things cannot be change . Example my skin is the easily Tan kind , I never get my dream fair skin like the Korean unless I go into extreme skin bleaching . One more , most of us just don’t have thigh GAP or skinny Long legs. Pls don’t go into extreme dieting and exercise because of how the media portray beauty. It’s totally a conditioning to let people trap in the never ending of spending money on outer beauty and material things.

Everyone of us is unique and special in our own way . Our body is created differently and learning to love yourself for who You are is very important. I have learn to be more secure with my body , I can’t say I am the clubby kind (1.55m , 48kg) . I used to slim until 44kg , but still no thigh gap !!!! So I accept my body as it is . Most important is I am healthy !!!!! 

I realised that even if u have a beautiful slim , prefect body now but years down the road when you got older , your health deteriorate because of all the extreme dieting and exercising you done in the past, it’s totally not worth it to shorter your lifespan because of temporary beauty . 

I feel that outer beauty is loving your body , take good care of your body , be healthy . I don’t denied cosmestic does enhance and bring out our best facial features. So just go ahead and use cosmestic !!!!!

As for inner beauty, inner cultivation , a good kind heart . From what I learn , inner beauty is the most difficult to achieve. We are no saint !!! So for me , being the best version i can be will be my guide to inner beauty , I no need to be like Mother Theresa or Dalai Lama. Unconditional love , the highest form of loving takes a lot of courage for a person to give unconditional love without expecting anything in return. I am cultivating this unconditional love , I know I still have a Long Long way to go.

Therefore to wrap up my journey , one person that came into my mind as true beauty is Princess Diana.


Thank you Universe 

Love & light

Alicecbn