The Head and The Heart 


I just woke up from a horrible falling dream , during my last moment of my life (In the dream) , I surrender to death . It feels so real in my dream . The intensity of the fall and the moment of surrendering . I woke up .

Why I am having this dream ? 

Most of the time dream are link to waking moment .

Two days ago I just have a talk with my man about why he don’t want to let his Sister and Mom know about our relationship .

His reasons:

1) Not getting marriage anytime soon. No known pressure 

2) He don’t want to get married 

Although it hit me hard  . Before I asked, I already knew what he was going to say. All the while I don’t dare to face the truth .

But things change when we had our first confrontation back in May , I stood up for myself . Back then I did not know I have the courage to voice myself . 

After the confrontation, I found my courage to speak my heart.

So I muster my courage to ask him AGIAN . I am always asking him this question once every year . Everytime I get the answer , I will be crying and be extremely sad. This time round it’s different . I can feel the difference in me . I am calm and LOGICAL during the conversion 

I know you reader will say I am stupid and I agree with you all . Most of you will say leave this asshole . 

I am stupid , I know 

My Head (aka The Mind) says : “Leave this man , he is wasting your time if he don’t want to get married “

My Heart says: “He really adore and love you and you know that . You can feel that .”

My heart is aching as I write this journal . 

I always don’t have the luck in love . I have been thinking that maybe there must be a lesson that I have not learn through all my failed relationship . This current one is a challenge for me to learn something . An important lesson . 

What is this important lesson that I need to learn that universe keep putting me in difficulties in all my love relationship. 

My Guess :

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE 

I never understand why two people who love eachother cannot be together .  This only happened in Korean drama . 

Why the man have to link with his head and not his heart .

Till now I still don’t understand .

I hope in the few months time I will see the truth and understand what universe is trying to teach me .

For now , I will surrender to what is . Cause I know in my heart I can’t leave him .

I shall end my journal here. Thank you for reading

Thank you universe for the challenges in my life 

Love & Light 

Alicecbn

Stop giving attention to sicko 


I just saw a very disturbing post on my Facebook . I am Super angry , pissed and sad !!!! It’s about a man who tied the rat up and cut the penis . What the hell !!!!!! And people are sharing this on the Internet and giving this asshole attention 

Social media is a way to attract attention . But pls in the good way . We have been seeing more and more posts on people killing cats , dogs , animals in a sick way. These asshole like attention . We should not give them any attention on the Internet !!!! 

Ignore what these sick asshole post on the Internet 

If we share it, we are encouraging the asshole to share more of these inhuman action in the Internet. This is their thrill , their attention . And if we share it , it is giving them the ego boost .

Not giving ANY ATTENTION to this people is the best way to counter their action . They did it because of attention. 

I understand that people can do whatever they want on the Internet , leaving rude comments , scolding people . As Long as we , people ignore those people and don’t give any form of reply . We are helping our self . Fighting back will only leave you more hurt . Just ignore those people who hurt you. No matter it is online or face to face , just cut of the energy they are trying to suck out from you .

LET IT GO & INGORE !!!!!!! 

STOP GIVING OUT ATTENTION AND ENERGY TO PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT WORTHY. WHO ARE ASSHOLE , SICKO AND INHUMAN . 

Thanks for reading my post . I was really pissed off with the inhuman behaviour 

Thank you universe , pls let there be light in the world 

Love & Light 

Alicecbn