I just woke up from a horrible falling dream , during my last moment of my life (In the dream) , I surrender to death . It feels so real in my dream . The intensity of the fall and the moment of surrendering . I woke up .
Why I am having this dream ?
Most of the time dream are link to waking moment .
Two days ago I just have a talk with my man about why he don’t want to let his Sister and Mom know about our relationship .
1) Not getting marriage anytime soon. No known pressure
2) He don’t want to get married
Although it hit me hard . Before I asked, I already knew what he was going to say. All the while I don’t dare to face the truth .
But things change when we had our first confrontation back in May , I stood up for myself . Back then I did not know I have the courage to voice myself .
After the confrontation, I found my courage to speak my heart.
So I muster my courage to ask him AGIAN . I am always asking him this question once every year . Everytime I get the answer , I will be crying and be extremely sad. This time round it’s different . I can feel the difference in me . I am calm and LOGICAL during the conversion
I know you reader will say I am stupid and I agree with you all . Most of you will say leave this asshole .
I am stupid , I know
My Head (aka The Mind) says : “Leave this man , he is wasting your time if he don’t want to get married “
My Heart says: “He really adore and love you and you know that . You can feel that .”
My heart is aching as I write this journal .
I always don’t have the luck in love . I have been thinking that maybe there must be a lesson that I have not learn through all my failed relationship . This current one is a challenge for me to learn something . An important lesson .
What is this important lesson that I need to learn that universe keep putting me in difficulties in all my love relationship.
My Guess :
I never understand why two people who love eachother cannot be together . This only happened in Korean drama .
Why the man have to link with his head and not his heart .
Till now I still don’t understand .
I hope in the few months time I will see the truth and understand what universe is trying to teach me .
For now , I will surrender to what is . Cause I know in my heart I can’t leave him .
I shall end my journal here. Thank you for reading
Thank you universe for the challenges in my life
Love & Light