Since after I scrapped my car of 9 years, i have been feeling uncertain about my future .There is an empty feeling where something is gone in my life. I did not realised an object can have this impact in my life .
I am writing my journal now because I need some clarification in my mind . My mind currently is a big mess ( that’s what I feel) . My mind become Super sensitive and worry a lot. Now I am worrying about my future , my parent’s health , my finances , my career etc. Since now I don’t have a car to blame for all the financial hardship . I realised that all this time while having a car , I blame my car for making me not financially stable. I put all the blame on my car . Only after scrapping it , I realised that , it is me that I should look deeply inside for all the financial hardship I had suffer in the past.
I blamed the outer world(World Without) for my suffering , I blame my car, my parents , my career etc. Except I did not blame myself . I am not saying that if things doesn’t go our way we should blame ourselves . I am saying that , I should have look more into myself for solution and not blaming everything .
I have no reason not to be financially stable now.
I can feel the stress building up . Last time when I have a car, I can put 101 reasons that why my finances are not stable. I will tell my friends and family that my car eat up most of my income . I give all kinds of reason just to hide the truth that I am a lazy person who do not wish to work and want to enjoy life and be rich . Who doesn’t want to enjoy life and be rich.
I am consider a very lucky person , Universe always somehow help me when i need money . And like magic , money always come when i need it for my case. So I begin to think that most of the time worrying is a waste of time and energy .
Scrapping my car , let me see myself more clearly . Without the car , I have financial freedom . I do not need to worry about how on earth I am going to pay for my next month installment and my repair fee. I have no big financial commitment right now!!! I am a free person!!!
I should be happy , relax and enjoying life right ?
I recently question myself , now that I am free of commitment . What’s Next ??? I have been focusing and blaming of my car for all these 9 years. Now it’s gone !!! I feel lost …..
This is where My Mind starts to create useless thoughts . Last time I only need to worry about my car . Now, I worry about EVERYTHING!!!!
I really hope this period will be over , once I get use of not having my car in my life to blame . You can call me crazy , I think I am .
Thanks Universe for the love .
Love & Light