What is the life that I want to be in ?
What is happiness to me ?
A loving relationship have always been my main focus in my life . But over and over again… It screw me over and over again. I am so tired of making this my main focus and in the end … What I get are idiot and bastard man … Always disappointing me ..
I tell myself that 2017 will be a ME year… I want to know all about myself, to discover, to groom my inner and outer self .
I no Longer want to cling on to the stupid ideal of a loving relationship . My greatest fear is being alone and poor when I am old and ugly . Maybe this is the fear that is keeping me in the bottom of my life .
I want to shine brightly .
You can say I lost hope in relationship which in actual fact , I am too afraid to admit I had fail in my relationship .
What is successful in a relationship …. ??
A loving Husband or marriage itself … Or it is just a status of being married … And no longer single . I don’t know .
My future is dark … Maybe I am too negative … What’s new … I have been this way for months … I am still trying to walk out of it . Little things makes me angry … I am a vey unhappy person now who try to hide the unhappiness ..
Why am I unhappy ?
I don’t know … Is it because I have no future , my relationship is not going anywhere and same as my career too..what going on with my life right now .. It seems off but it seem right also . It’s hard for me to explain .
Is it my fear of the successful that I will achieve in the future .. Or I am afraid that once I am successful and happy … Bad things will come and destroy it … Is this the reason I never wanted to Really be successful and happy . I don’t know .. I am just writing what my mind is thinking right now .
Some how Writing journal relieve me . I shall end here . Thanks for reading