What is the Life that I want????

What is the life that I want to be in ? 

What is happiness to me ? 

A loving relationship have always been my main focus in my life . But over and over again… It screw me over and over again. I am so tired of making this my main focus and in the end … What I get are idiot and bastard man … Always disappointing me ..

 I tell myself that 2017 will be a ME year… I want to know all about myself, to discover, to groom my inner and outer self . 

I no Longer want to cling on to the stupid ideal of a loving relationship . My greatest fear is being alone and poor when I am old and ugly . Maybe this is the fear that is keeping  me in the bottom of my life . 

I want to shine brightly . 

You can say I lost hope in relationship which in actual fact , I am too afraid to admit I had fail in my relationship . 

What is successful in a relationship …. ??

A loving Husband or marriage itself … Or it is just a status of being married … And no longer single . I don’t know . 

My future is dark … Maybe I am too negative … What’s new … I have been this way for months … I am still trying to walk out of it . Little things makes me angry … I am a vey unhappy person now who try to hide the unhappiness .. 

Why am I unhappy ? 

I don’t know … Is it because I have no future , my relationship is not going anywhere and same as my career too..what going on with my life right now .. It seems off but it seem right also . It’s hard for me to explain . 

Is it my fear of the successful that I will achieve in the future .. Or I am afraid that once I am successful and happy … Bad things will come and destroy it … Is this the reason I never wanted to Really be successful and happy . I don’t know .. I am just writing what my mind is thinking right now . 
Some how Writing journal relieve me . I shall end here . Thanks for reading 


Thanks Universe 
Love & Light 
alicecbn

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