Accepting

Hey all , Merry Christmas !!!! 

The first step of loving yourself is accepting . Accepting who you are , the good and the bad side. 

It is hard to accept myself . I have not accept myself for who am I. I don’t like myself But now I don’t hate myself . This is too irony.

Accepting seems like a dream to me . I can’t accept my current financial status , relationship status , career status , etc . Everything seems sucks !!!! 

I measure my self worth with the money in my bank account. This view of mine is really really distorted as I write this sentence . I wanted to laugh when I wrote this . OMG … This is so so ridiculous !!! 

Self worth = bank account money 

Am I blinded by my ego ??!?? 

Or my ego is controlling me ?!???!

So am I right to say a lot of money = Big ego 

Whenever I see my bank account money , I feel depressed . 

Who is the myself that I don’t like … The real me or the ego me. It seems like there are two me. The issue here is not about accepting who am I any more . Because the ego never accept anything which it deem as sub standard. Ego never compromise . Ego is like a child , who will be happy until it get what it want . But this happiness is never lasting . Once it gets this want , it will want a better and improve version for the next one . 

Maybe Universe know that I am still not ready to be rich because money is still linked with ego. 

Now I see more clearly . I am glad I write today . 

I highly recommend Eckhart Tolle : A new earth if anyone who want to know in depth about EGO . This book is talking about ego and how we thought that ego thoughts is our real me thoughts. This is confusing and I know . 

Thank you for reading . 

Thank you Universe

Love & Light

Alicecbn

Year 2017 ” A ME Year “

2016 is coming to an end soon. Recently I have decided to make Year 2017 “A ME Year

What is a ME Year ?

To me, ME Year is a year where I focus and invest on myself . I have spend so much of my life chasing after one relationship to another relationship. This time round , I want to spend the time and energy on MYSELF. I want to give myself a chance where I do not need to focus on other people especially on relationship. 

My weakness have always been my love relationship . Each of my relationship last me around 2-4 years . 

How many more years do I have to invest on a man  ?

Am I disappointed for all the fruitless relationship ? Yes I am ….. But I have learn a lot from all my past relationships .

 In fact , I just realised only recently that I did not learn the most important lesson from these relationships:

TO LOVE MYSELF ❤️

It’s not to say that I do not love myself . Let’s just say that , subconsciously 70% of the things that I do, might be because I want to be in a fruitful relationship (meaning , I just want to get married off) or I just want my man to know my worth and my attraction. 

My main intention and focus is My Man , My relationship 

Now I am shifting the intention to “ME” . A year where is all about “ME”. A year where I cultivate my inner and outer self . A year where I get to know all about myself all over again. A year where I make Friend and understand myself . 

A year where I love myself unconditionally. 

Most of our life , we have spend so much time seeking approval and validation from others.  Spending our time to get to know , understand and love OTHER people , except OURSELVES.

How come we never do that to ourselves?

All we did to OURSELVES was to :

blame , compare , guilt , hurt , scold , despise and etc 

The most important person is “ME” . 

 I am not saying to be a narcissist . From my understanding narcissist is obsess with themselves and this is not loving yourself and this is not LOVE.  

I am still learning to love myself more . I will write more about my experience and process along the way of loving myself . 


I hope everyone will love themselves more in year 2017 . Be bless , good health and happy. 

Thanks for reading my journal . 

Thanks Universe for all the signs that you have given me .

Love & Light 

Alicecbn