Just read this insightful article regarding the fear of being alone from Renee Wade. I have been following her since I came to know about polarity in relationship, feminine and masculine energy.
After reading this article , I realised that it is so normal that us woman have this fear in us . I always thought I am a dependent woman because I have this fear and I am ashame of it. My fear of being alone , have made me more close up , more defensive . The fear that my man might leave me in future is so unbearable for me to even think about it . To make it even worse I am still in a no status relationship for 4 years . However , I enjoy every moment with my man . But recently , I realised I become more and more emotional and I know that I am trying to sabotage my relationship so that my man will leave me asap , so as to prevent me from falling in love with him even deeper and getting more hurt if in the end he decided to leave me and marry some other woman . This fear prevent me from being vulnerable to my man . I build up a wall around him sometime when I am emotional . I have been going through an emotional roller coaster since i sold my car ( a big change in my life) . My man have been handling all my emotional abuse that I throw to him with love and patience . But I just keep giving him more . Surprisedly , he did not leave me and still adore me . I did told him that I am sabotaging our relationship and he know that . Because of the lack of security , uncertainly and assurance in our relationship , I become a very insecure and scare woman.
Why am I insecure and scare ?
The fear that he will leave me in future if our relationship have no status .
The fear that he will abandon me if he did not assure me my relationship is going somewhere .
The fear that if I open up more to him and he leave me I will die .
The fear that he will not love me anymore , make me hopeless and helpless.
The fear that I will be come old and lonely in future .
All these voice down to the FEAR OF LONELINESS in me.
I want to open up and love my man more deeply , but I am very very very very very scare. The fear of him leaving me is unimaginable. I Guess after reading Renee article ; this fear is so normal , common and it will always be around no matter what . I came to a conclusion that I will just have to accept and face my fear , even if I wanted so badly to hid and run away with it .
For now I hope that I have the courage to love my man more deeply and to give him my gift , my divine feminine energy to my masculine man .
Thank you Universe for sending me the sign and guidence that I requested yesterday . I am glad I found the article by Renee Wada . Thanks for reading my journal.
Her article have guided me when I need answer regarding my relationship .
I highly recommend people to read up her blog THE FEMININIE WOMAN
Love & Light