Lack of Discipline 

I have to admit that I hate discipline . I lack of discipline and that is my weakness and killer . Whenever discipline comes into my mind , it translate to hard work , boring , obscuring the flow , not loving , no freedom . I linked discipline with negative thought and emotion . This is why I hated being discipline by other or myself. I don’t like routine , I think it is boring. Discipline = routine . But I never run away from discipline in my life . The more I run away from it the more it come back to my face .
Without discipline , I can say that I am a damn lazy person . I have goals and dreams but I don’t know where to start because I don’t Don’t like being discipline . Buy after reading an article saying actually lazy is a trick of the ego . I have realised that I am being control by my ego most of the time . I thought that I am aware of my ego . In actual fact I am not . 

I have a very bad habit , whenever my business starts to pick up , I will revert back to the lazy me and my mind will tell me : “You have enough for this month , you can relax !! ” I would be so lazy to fix my appointment for the whole week or 2 weeks . I relax .. But deep down , I know that this is not what I want . It is a cycle . Without self discipline , I will never get out of this cycle and I will never achieve my goals and dreams. 

My life have been quite stagnant for more than a decade since I started working. It seem like nothing change much . 

All the while I thought that there is no discipline in my life . But I realised that there are some discipline that I incorporate myself . I started to swim Every week , controlling my diet and food intake , drinking warm water first thing in the morning when I wake up , discipline how I spend my money and keeping track of my money . 

ALL THESE ARE SELF DISCIPLINE !!!!!!

Unknowningly , I have been disciplining my life . I cannot give in to my lazy ego . I cannot fear discipline . This is one of the value that I want to build for myself , being self discipline . Although last time when every my mind say “discipline” I tend to ignore it . This time round I will view it as a positive value that I need to learn in my life . 

Thanks for reading my journal , really appreciate 🙂

Thank you Universe !!!

Love & Light

Alicecbn 

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